sometimes people said that we got reasons and goal to achieve something. well, i will be fifteen in less than 2 months. dan selama ini pula, gue nggak punya cita-cita. or, goals either. lucu kah? mereka yang kadang kita sebut kekurangan, punya mimpi. but, me? yeah, extremely pathetic.
kadang mereka bilang, ada waktunya kita tau apa tujuan hidup kita. but when? i am tired of doing things over and over. trying my best, without any goals. i did do my best. just, i want something to be my interest.
they said, people without dreams are passionless, and would not be success. apasih yang bakal lu semua buat, kalau suatu saat kita di tempatkan ke suatu tugas yang sama sekali nggak di sukain? atau lebih tepatnya, you dont have the passion. i did music, like people says music helps to relieve your stress and think clearly. i am searching where does my passion had hide for a long time.
and like...when you're in the middle of searching it all, people unexpectedly told you that you're not good in this part. iya sih baiknya gue tau interest gue bukan disana. but doesn't it hurt? gue kerja keras di semua part, for atleast ketika gue tau apa yang gue impikan, gue udah buat fondasi buat itu semua.
i am not saying that i work hard to got a payback. like, just gimme a try. don't bother,
but push me laaaah.
life sucks. in other part, i am saying that i should be thankful for my life. tapi, kadang kadang ada hal yang emang nggak bisa kita pungkiri, kalau kita memang capek dengan hidup. oh well, i am searching for my identity. when you dont have any purpose of your dreams, how can you help people and search for their love towards us? menurut gue itu.............without passion.
dan sekarang ini menurut mimpi.your night dreams. dan kasiannya lagi, gue jarang mimpi. hahahaha. gilaa. kadang to cheer myself up, gue berkata bahwa apa gunanya mimpi, toh nanti lu bakal balik ke dunia nyata. and reality is way too complicated. and i am just leaning my back, let my hands be taken by God. The Leader of all. tapi, kadang mimpi pun berguna. for some people, they use their dream as an inspiration. kalau gueee...tidur, ya tidur aja. kemarin gempa pun, gue tetep bangun siang:D happy~
kadang selain itu gue berpikir. apa ada hal yang buat gue dalam kutip, takut buat mimpi? i expected things. but sometimes i dont fight, just let them do it their ways. kadang, saat gue mau sesuatu atau tepatnya ingin, gue hanya berbicara sedikit. tapi gue kerja keras buat hal-hal yang sebenernya gue nggak yakin itu bakal berguna. i rarely speak up my mind. kadang hal itu buat gue takut, kasarnya bisa dibilang, takut nggak dibalikin sama apa yang kita expect.
expectation
vs reality
mungkin gampangnya orang bilang gausah hidup untuk expect sesuatu, kalau emang dibolehkan sama Tuhan pasti akan terjadi. but we need effort man, we need effort to accomplish something.
simply, mari kita buat contoh. gue pernah nonton film, seorang cewe dan cowo, yang disuruh membuat jawaban. mereka masing-masing dikasih tau akan menikah satu dengan yang lain. tapi, bukan si cowo yang propose. pihak ketiga. mereka hanya disuruh kasih jawaban. "O" buat ya, dan "X" buat tidak. setelah mereka bersama, mereka disuruh buka. dan dua2nya O. happy. haha. but if that was me, i would better drawn a triangle, or any other shape. like, kalau pihak lain give an "X" at least, people nggak akan judge, dan kasihanin lu;)
kadang buat apa kita usaha kalau nggak ada hasil? memang, kita sama sama nggak bisa liat buat kedepannya. but i dont figure anything after all of this :D
people praised, okay. ive heard many praises given to me. but back, i'm asking my self, do i really did that? and i couldnt figure it out on what purpose i want to work that hard, for... nothing. and on the other sides, people keep pointing on my mistakes and flaws. i've become aware for any possibility that i am become more like shit.
berbahagialah engkau yang punya mimpi. walaupun mimpi kalian seringkali nggak tercapai, tapi kalian punya tujuan. for atleast you know, your hard work will pay off. it would be nice when you'd know your life purpose.
can i say that, i know i am never would be good enough?:3